...the Journey...

misunderstand.

All i want to do is swear.
All i think is about how i want to say the f word a million times.
But instead i seat here and just think it.
All i want is for someone to feel how i feel
All i think is that i want to hurt someone.
But instead i seat here and just think it.
All i want is to go back in time.
All i think is how could i do this.
But instead i realize that i cant do anything.
All i want to do is make sense and understanding of this.
All i think is there has to be a reason.
But instead i realize that i cant do anything.
I am hurt.
I cry.
My heart aches.
I try to push this all out.
I am learning, i say to myself
I can get thorugh this,
I try to say repeatedly thinking the more i say it the more it will become true
I feel torn, not knowing what to do.
I am sad.
I am angry.
I am feeling something that i have nevr felt before.
I care so much but yet i just want to give up,
But do i really want to?
Can i work through this?
Has my journey hit a rough road where i ahve to choose to sink and eventually swim or swim slow and gradually become faster.
I dunno what to do.
But what i do know is i cant deal with this pain.
I hurt and i scream out in pain.
Are you listening to your child suffer?
Why wont you do something?
You are a God of faithfulnes and i know you are here with me.
But sometimes its just hard to see you.
I am and have been weak for so long riding all on you.
Not knowing what to do.
Yes you are teaching me beacuse i know there is good in every situation.
But i am so confused and hurt i cant see it.
God save me.
God craddle me in your loving arms.
And remind me that,
Better is ONE day in your courts than thousands else where.
God rescue me!
I draw near to you.
Sort me out God.
Cause i have a hope that one day you will say to me well done my child
You dont give me anything i cant handle
so i know i can get through this
but sometimes i feel its impossible
But with you nothing is impossible.
Encourage me Oh Mighty Encourager.
Teach me Oh Mighty teacher.
Guide me Oh Mighty leader.
When i am wreaked for you.
take me. I cant do this without you, and i know that.
But the pain is still there.
My heart still crys.
Help.

posted by Sojourner @ 8:40 PM