lfie as it happens.
Well lets see, in a day what has happened.....Well yesterday i chatted with kevin and he told me that my job was at the pool in the summer not at the outdoor pools..Well that means that i am right back to looking for a job for the summer. i will only be loking for jobs that will take me outside and i can strat to do that. IN other news, Rodney came over last nite and we had a good chat. I really enoy that boys company and i really like him as a good friened and cherish him greatly. He makes ms laugh and smile. We had a good chat last nite and just another encounter from God for me seeing as i was able to work some things out and figure things out. Hes a great freind. Anywase, work now is boraing, still but i am still here, and wil be until i ahve another job. POopie i need to ghet another job asap. ha ha..get me outta here. anywase, i am back tot he work place.
day by day..
So as i journey i realize that there is way too much out there and i am not grabing aholed of it. I have been just carrying on as if i am forty something. Forgetting that it is now in my life where i can have fun and work in wild places and be outside and jumpoing and running. NOT working indoors and doing no thing. I am wanting to get out of the ymca and work somewhere else and be outside.as summer approches i realize that i cant be working at the YMCA all the time that i need to get out and be free or freer than i have been. I want to work somewhere where i am using my hands and being active. So i am appling at a couple of landscaping places and maybe at some camps around the city. but i need to be close cause of Youth Church. Otherwise i might just go out to BC and work there. I also ahve a chance at working in northren ONtario but if that happens then where is YC? i dunno...its hard to figure out right now and this on top of everything else....is too much for me right now. But i think i am going to move in with Jackie posibly but if i dont have a summer job then i am screwed. i will not be able to pay rent. bummer. for sure. so i dunno what to do. God help.
things with Dave are rough right now and i dunnoo it seems to not be a good thing..i dunno. I am sad and feeling things i dont know how to describe towards the hole situation.
When life adds up you just have to presiver on with it and press on towards something that is much better the prize in which God has layed out for me. Even tho i cant really see it sometimes buti go towards it anywase.
Pray!
help.
oh man i cant even deal with my life right now. This week has killed me on the inside. I ahve cried everyday at least. I am so hurt, confused, sad, full of pain but yet i have joy b/c of other things that re happening. I am so lost in this world i just wanna go home, to my real home in Heaven. Where Jesus will be. God take care of me. I am empty yet again. On the floor waitng for you to rise me. I need you with out you i am nothing and with you all is possible. Sometimes you need to remind me of ALL things. God your strength is so much greater than mine. I am weak and need your help. cause i cant do it anymore or really at all. EVER! Take this pain away God and surround me with ppl who love me and who care about me. Dont let me feel alone in a group of ppl. God you are with me no matter where i am. God i need you. I cry out to you. God save me. Heal me.
Nothing is impossible.
Hello everyone,
wow i am dealing with alot o my plate right now and i am feeling overwhelmed with alot of "stuff." Please help me shake sme things off and deal with some things, so Pray! Pray for me and ask God how to pray for me, specifically. I would love to be encouraged by your prayers so if you want to share them with me that would be amazing. Thats a nother thing i need now is encouragement. I am feeling pretty down. Way too much stuff. But its not because God only gives me what i can handle. So nothng is impossible. I can and will get through this.
wow our God is so big and so amazing. He is almighty and all powerfull. He will carry me. I hold strong to you God as you are my refuge and strength.
Hard.
Well working with this whole dying to self or dying for the ones you love thing is freaken hard. Oh my... Well i was upset today at something and i was writing an e-mail to the person describing my feelings of hurt and anger. Then i remembered that and i thought its not worth mentioning. Also i would be moreless concentrating on myself so i stoped sendng it. but man it was a tough one.
Work was good. i am feeling board and such but i still ahve alot to do. and i need to shower i smell. And dave is coming over tonite. Whooo whooo..we are celebrating V day on friday i think or sat but i am excited either way cause he is taing me out for supper and such it will be nice i am excited. ha ha ha ha i am such a gurl. Giggles. and smiles.
peace. Pray for me this life is pretty rough right now and i am holding on by a string. or less.
crazy adventures.
this weekend was great. relaxing and tiring all at the same time. Went out with dave and also did some other various things i hung out with Ana alot...i love it. She is super and she makes me think b/c she isgoing though alot in her life and when she shares he sotries with me ans such it challenges me as it does her. Funnyhow that is. Well we hung out wit dave and his friend luke yesterday afterdoing chores. Ana loved doing chores crazy lady she is. Funny tho. I really am thankful for friends, espcially ana. She and i have been hanging out alot more lately, i dunno why we just ahve and i really have a ton of appreciation for her and the things she has over come and the things she goes through its awsome. Anywase, off to bed.
The thing called Love.
Love. Thats a feburay thing right? i dont ahve to do it all the time right? ha ha ha just kidding i dont thin i could go a day without loving someone. This month and tuesday just gives me a reason to show my love to other ppl. I love it.
well today in church Pastor Jon talked about Love go figure. ha ha
One thing he took sometime talking about was the ways to grow in Love with one another. That was something that i was right on page with him on. He was speaking from one of the many chapters about love, 1 Cor 13. He shared with us about love being an emotion, a state of being, an act, and a verb. All of those things are love and describe love. I also feel that you need to have a balance of each thing listed to have a deeper love. It was great to hear. One other thing was said about the ways to grow in love. He basically set up four ways to grow in love with others. NOt just int he romanctc love but in friendship and aquantaice love.
1.BE vonerable. If this happens you will share your life with ppl and grow deeper together with them.
2. BE jealsous of the one you love. Meaning, guard the one you love and be protective of them.
3. BE forgiving. In every relationship we will screw up at some point. Forgive.
4. NEVER GIVE UP! Things are gunna be tough because God never said living in an unperfect world would be easy so persevere.
All these spoke to me. But the second and last two the most. First off am i being protective of the ones i love. Yes there are a loage number of ppl who i love but am i being protective of them and guardinng them and sepeaking well of them? That is tough to answer. In the worst of times when i am being treated like Crap by them do i still speak well of them and think good things of them? Thats a hard one somedays when all you feel like is you have been severly hurt by the ones you love. But i am working on that. I think this fits right in with what i was writing before. that it is hard to see the good in everyone. But its a skill to be worked on.
Also, the last point. this one is easy for me. seeing as alot of the closefriendships i have a from ppl om the otherside of canada. Its easy to use distance as a reason for not laying down my life for ppl. But that shouldnt be a factor. Its a rough call tho. But yes. Giving up is easy whe you have not spoken with a person in a whlie and you are busy and not thinking of them everyday cause they are not just right there. Also, love is tough. Because it hurts to love at points and it hurts to recieve at points. Sometimes we need it more than others and we expect it more and other times we are to wiling to give it out (if there is such a thing). This tho to me is a simple but hard task. When you bring somone in to a close loving relationship, where you in that case would lay downyour life for them, you need to never give up and try and fail and try again. Always trying and making things work. You dont just fall outta love. Once loved always loved. yes you may grow a bit apart but you still do love this person deep down. Well thats what i think at least.
One more thing tha i picked up this morn was John 15:13, Greater love has no one thn this, that he lay down his life for his friends. Now yes ok its not everyday that you have a gun to your friends head with a person saying i'm gunna kill you. But what does this look like in our own worlds. well do you do what is nescessary to at all times look out for your friends. Do you put them first even if you have had a busy week or are involved in so much? Do you make an effort in the relationship? The last question hits me. do i make an effort?....yes i answer that but others dont. And that at some points can be true but should i look at it that way no. I should be glad to have this friend who i know loves me but soemtimes doesnt make an effort for me. Thats so hard, and it seems so unrealistic for me. I am a type of person who needs some loven from other ppl especially my close friends. When i feel like i have been the one putting i the effort for a while i will not call for a while and let them call me for a change or somethig like that. sometimes inn doing this i get hurt or i am sad, beause i feel that my friends dont love me. But is that really it or are they just busy with their lives and such. I dunno i guess that is why they say you will only have a few ppl who you have a true loving relationship with and in those terms i mean friendship love. I dunoo...I guesss love is just a mystery and it will always take alot of work. But the good thing is the rewards are amazing. Smiles.
Peace. Pray for my sickness.
Experienceing Life.
As my days go on here on earth i try to please God and bring glory to Him. thats the plan. But as i continue this week i see a downward spiral of emotions and hurt from one area of my life. It sucks because the majority of otehr things are fine but its just that one section that knocks you right off your nikkers. I dunno i am so hurt that i dont even want to deal with it anymore. And thats not right. I always deal with things. I dunno this time its different cause i am being accussed and over something so small. I am hurt by it forsure. And the way it was approched. Also, in life there are battles we all have to choose what ones we want to fight and what ones we want to walk away from. I am confused on this one cause i think this is one where i will walk away on. Its a good thing and i am so glad to say this so that it puts closure and shuts the door on it. I am not closing it completely but enough for me not to think about it anymore. whooo whooo....ya good thing i got this out.
In other news, Dave and i are doing well. He has been spoiling me this week and i love it. We have had alot of really good convos this week and have grown so close in a couple days. its great!!
As for Youth Church, I have a meeting tommrow and am so excited for it. I am pumped cause i get to share my passion with a room full of ppl who also love youth. I am really excited but alittle nervous but as i plan things out it all dissapears. Whoo, Anywase, i should get back work...yeeee boaring. come and visit sometime, i would love it.
Otherwise, keep on experiencing you life and living it for God.
rediculus.
Interperation. Something we use everyday. We use it to read, write, hear and see things of this life. Its something that we all take for granted. But mind you it has two sides to it. I know for me, i can interpreate things that were said in the wrong way that they were meant. Its a skill i have that i ddint know i had. But i took alot of things personally. It sucked. I lived a life feeling worthless and crazppy. But besides that. My point is that everyone has filters, as i call them, and these filters cause each of us to see things differntly. Sometimes it can be for the better and other times for the worst. But in its original text is the most important. the way that the person said it to you or someone else is the most important. I know i am sure not perfect at this one but i am getting better. Its hard to see the good in everyone. But thats the challenge in interpreation. Arg. well thats my little venting for today.
Sorry if any information has came across in the wrong way to anyone who reads my blog if you are having trouble with some interpretations please, before assuming what you think it says give me a shout and ask me. thanks ya all.
rediculs...
Interpretaion. something that we do everyday when we read something. Each of us have different filters that the items we read runs through. Therefore crateing us to see and read thing differently. When i read something when i am feeling upset i will make it seem hurtful to me and take it more personal. But when i am in a happy mood i will read things that ppl are intentionally meaning to be sad and i will trun happy. for me it depends on how i am doing that day and how i read something and the person it comes from. But it is unique has God has given us this gift of interpretation to use everyday without even knowing it. I know that i need to shape my interpretation skills up b/c i do have those filters. But i tell you last year i worked on that one like crazy. I now still am challenged each day to use the skill in the approprate ways. Its a hard one but try it. And if you are unsure if you are reading it or hearing it rite just ask the person who it orginionally came from or ask an un basis friend and see how they interprate it. Arg. My rant for today.
endure.
Well i have been qick sick feeling lately. I have had a flare up with my ulcertive colitis and feel like i want to spend my whole day on the toliet. AH! i hate it. So pray for my stomach. Pray for healing. Ohh man its crazy thats for sure. In other news i have been feeling alittle sperate from the worldthis week cause u have had so much going on i cant keep up. I meant with KT from high school and that was really good. I was glad to see her and hear about how she is doing and what not. I also had a great reminisance time with her. it was good to see her. she is so awsome whoot whoot. anywase, back to work i go see ya. Pray.
