The long days..
So long time no writing, I do realize this. And i really dont have that good of excuse. Even if i try to give one i will fail. This one will be a long one just wot warn you. Anywase, Soo what is new with me. Well i dunno if i wrote it in here but, i am working as a lifeguard at the YMCA full time. Lately it has been boaring. Honestly sometimes i feel like i am in an insane is-i-lam (i dunno know how to spell it sound it out). And other times there are some friendly ppl who come in and chat with me. Like for instance there is this one guy named Laurie, he is amazing. He always shows concern for me and tells me about his life. He also has some bowl problems because he just went in for surgery on friday. He is ok now but there is alot more to come. Also there is this one guy from St. Marys, he comes in and is tring to build enderance to swim for long periods of time. Well he is one of the best ppl when he comes in he always asks me how i am and if i say ok he asks why? I dunno it is just really fun. He started at like 15 lenghts and now is at 34 today. He has only been here for about two weeks. He is doing amazing. Ya i enjoy the people part of it. But the hole being like at least 50 feet below ground level, with no windows and no proper ventalation system i get quite insane feeling. "I'm in a glass case of emotion" Ron Burgandy.
I also have been part of this program that my church is doing called 40 days of purpose. What this means is we are reading this book called the Purpose Driven Life and finding out what we are here for. Then we meet thoughout the week for small groups. Ohh my i tell you regardless of the reading of the books, I am getting so much out of the small groups. There is this one man named Wayne Broad andhe says things that really get to me. Like last week it was how we are living in eternaty right now. Ya forsure we are i guess i just didnt think about it that way before. Anywase, this week he said something that i have been focusing on for a while in my life. Tring to live a real life. Full of falling on our face infront of ppl and not hiding it when we do. I dunno i guess in some ways i am striving to be more transparent and more real in everything i do. Life for example i long to be the same person no matter where i am or who i am with. Anywase, this book has been a great building block for convos that are getting started just through the readings. To be honest i have read this book before and i dont really like it but this time i am liking it more probly cause i have an amazing group of ppl to read thorugh it with me.
......Oh highlites.....I hung out with this guy named Luke this week. We are friends through a friend in BC. He is very fun to be around and a great person. Also, i went to see some friends in milverton this weekend and that was soo much fun i avent seen those ppl in soo long. Although on person who i wanted to see i didnt get to see for very long. Matt Lichti oh man i love that boy. there is soemthing about him ever since i meant him that just makes me relaxed and soo comfortable around him. I have definitly missed him. But am glad we were able to see eachother for a bit the other day. Rodney and i also had a really good chat yesterday. Ohh man we are soo open and comfortable with one another. I love it A brother who can support me and challenge me. Its great. Amanda and i have also been hanging out alot. I thank God so much for her. Seriously, i dunno where i would be without her. She is very encouraging to me.
There is more news but i will have to share it tommrow. cause this is way too long.
Pray.
Peace out.
Some Krazy Pics Of Summer.
...Healing through prayer...
OK so i write or try to write these update/prayer letters once a month. So here is this months. I just sent alittle one to ppl through e-mail. I plan on writing a larger more updated one tommrow. where when finished i will be pasteing it on the website for you to read but as for now here is this one.
Monday-
Hey everyone,
Thought that I would just send an updating e-mail so everyone kindda knows what is happening and how to pray for me if they would like too in regards to my health. So as of june i was begining to not feel my usual self. I then in July began to see odd things when i went to the bathroom. It then got so bad that i couldnt eat anything with out it coming out of me the next 30 mins or less. I couldnt hold food in me and i surly couldnt not go to the bathroom less than 5 times a day. Thats when i couldnt take it amymore and i went to the doctors and had a number of tests done. So i went about a week as they processed th tests and no negitive results so i was back into the doctors and that is when i got told that i had soemthing more serious and i needed to see a Gastoloagist ( a doctor that specializes in stomachs and bowel stuff). Within the nest could days i was in to see him and then with in the week i was in to have a scope done. At this point we didnt know what it was and there was a fear that it could be cancer of my bowel. But after the scope the doctor told me that i have a disease called Ulcertive Colitis. Ulcerative colitis is a disease that causes inflammation and sores, called ulcers, in the lining of the large intestine. The inflammation usually occurs in the rectum and lower part of the colon, but it may affect the entire colon. The inflammation makes the colon empty frequently, causing diarrhea. Ulcers form in places where the inflammation has killed the cells lining the colon; the ulcers bleed and produce pus.Ulcerative colitis is an inflammatory bowel disease (IBD), the general name for diseases that cause inflammation in the small intestine and colon. I got this info from http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/colitis/#top
After all this Here is the bad news it is not cure-able. They have not found anything to fully cure it. There are drugs however to weaken the symptoms and the flare ups. Hence the reason for me being on 11 pills at one time for a couple weeks. Now i am only taking 7 pills. And for a while there i was doing good. But for the past two days I have been expereinceing alot of pain and tenderness...and the emptying for the bowel after i eat at all times. So eating for the past couple of days has been hard and i am at the point were i dont want to eat anything cause i think it will make it better..but realistically i know it wont so i eat small meals a couple times a day of very nutural foods. So I ask for your prayers as i go thourgh another difficult time of me not being so healthy. Pray that as i go to the doctors again on thursday that i would be able to get answers and help and some how calm this flare up down again. Pray that i will be able to keep a job with this condition. Even as i wrtie this my stomach is hurting and cramping and i am running a fever. But looking on the positive side of things it is not cancer and i have a very powerful God who can heal me. God can over come anything, and through him all things are possible. So i press on through the rough days longing to know him better and build his kingdom.
God bless you all and once again thanks for being a huge support to me.
Friday-
I thought i would send you an update on how the doctors appointment went. Well it was a good one if you can even think that going to the doctors is good. But i am only on 9 meds of this drug that has no side effects (WHOOT WHOOT!!!). I only have to be on 9 when i am not feeling well but when i begin to feel better i can go down to 4 but i have to stay with 4 for a while even if i am feeling good. I also got sent to get more blood taken from me. It was a big issue b/c my veins are hard to find and also a pain in the butt when i need to give blood. So my doctors office normally does it but they couldnt do it. But through that process i had four needles stuck into my arms and they are all every brused and sore now. So i went to the MSD lab and they found my vein and took my blood and i should know in a about a week what my body needs more of or less of. The hardest or worse part is when he pushes on my tummy. It was really sore that day but he had to do it anywase, so lets just say there was alot of pain and flinching. Anywase, keep me in your prayers and such. Thanks once again cause i know that it was through all your prayers and all your encouragements that helped me pull though into a good couple of days lately. actually i felt better the day after i sent the e-mail after that week of feeling like crap. So thanks.
what is constructive critisim?
Well let me tell you leaders meetings are supose to be productive and useful. But sometimes some meetings get alittle out of hand. Lets just say i came from a meeting where i was beeing told that i was hanging out with the youth to much with out an adult. WHAT! i am an adult. I have worked with youth for over four years and never once was i told that i needed an adult to be present at any moment i do things with a youth. Ok so i can understand that some parents are alittle cautous b/c they dont really know me and they want to trust the person who they are sending their kids out with. But then get to know me....and see me. I have said hi or had a small chat with almost every parent and it was sad to hear that i was told tonite that i was to calm down on hanging out with the youth. Sad.
In the end we talked about it for like a good 30 mins and just us being told that we are not to do this. Ohh man it was rough. But then it was said that it was only one parent and it wasnt that big of deal. Ohh come on you just gave us a lecture for a good 30 mins and you say its not a big deal. Uh huh! So pray as some critisims are not really good for you and some dont really come from God considering that, may he show me if this is one of those.
The week of crazyness...
Well since i havent written on here in a while i guess there should be lots of news but there isnt. I had a highlight from last week or well there were few but one was my friend Gus coming to see me and stay at my house for a nite. He is a good friend who i have lost touch with over my two years in BC but we are no less of friends by far. I totally love him being around and cant wait to see him live close to me. I started working for GoodLife fitness club on wednesday but i hated it right off the bat. I didnt like it for a whole bunch of reasons but mainly just because i dont like pushing ppl to buy things. It was just odd for me. But then my friend emily told me about a full time lifeguard position that opened at the YMCA and so i went in to apply for the job and i was given it the next day and started on monday. It was wicked. although getting out of goodlife after working there three days was hard b/c the manager is a mean non opening impression kindda guy. But oh well it went well and i am glad it is done. The YMCA is better cause i feel more comfortable and it fits more with my values and my life style of building into ppl.
I have been busy with work and youth stuff. I love working with the youth. we have youth group tonite and i am forturnate enough to share my story. whoot whot!!
Umm...well the hole friend thing from the past blog hasnt cleared up but oh well God will make things happen.
Umm..my health is ok challenging for sure but its alright....i have been having flare ups lastweek and that hurts but i have a doctors apointment on thursday. Pray that it goes well.
God and i are doing great. we have been spending alot of time togetehr and in lots of different ways. I love him so much and each day i fall in love with him more. he is so amazing. We dance together and we laug together and we hang out togetehr.
speaking of dance, my class is amazing...it is getting harder but good. i enjoy the challenge of it.
well i am out....write maybe later...
the pains of...the Journey...
Ahh soo this is whats up…wow so I just got off the phone with my friend and he told me about what he was concerned about between me and another friend. Now I am all like thining about it and all concerned. I am upset because I know that I will probly be the one brining this up but I don’t want to. But yet if he is upset with me than I want to talk to him about it. I guess it just angers me cause I also know that he will say it is all my fault or make me feel that way. But it isn’t it was something he said to me. And ya I shouldn’t have reacted with the whole well you don’t know what you are talking about..kindda thing but his words hurt me when I was in a hurtful time already…..who steals a jacket from a person on a cold winters day…or who kicks a person when they are down,….ohh I dunno I guess I am just kinnda mad. But I don’t want to be. This friend and I use to be the best of friends
Then we went off to colleges and he gpt a girl and we don’t really talk much now. I still want to be his friend and I will always accept him with open arms but….this time it seems to hurt more cause I feel like I am crappy or that he just doesn’t want my friendship…and do I still continue to put love and hope into our friendship ya…I try at least. I dunno it just saddens me….my heart feels heavy and hurt…I cry because I don’t know what else to do….looseing a good friend I guess is never easy and I have always said that we would still be good friends but I guess it almost seems like reality just hit me…that he doesn’t want me as a friend. I hurt. Please
Help me.
anticipation...
So i dropped off the resumes everywhere. And now i continue to wait and wait....and wait. I am glad to give ppl a chance to look at my resume but i need a job now...or so my parents feel and so get pressured and feel like i need a job asap which means right this second. I got offered one job at good life fitness center but i am kinnda debateing on saying yes because i need to sell the memberships to make anything over 8 $ an hour. So here are my thoughts i could take this job and sell memberships and such and then....possibably make more as time goes on and settle with the 320 a week...or i could wait and go for a job that has me making like 10-15 $ an hour. Sure this one i might like more but i just need $ at this point i dunno if it is the job that i am in for liking anymore. This city just sucks for jobs. I also looked into a hotel job which i am very interested in. I would be the full time supervisor to oversee the day to day stuff...so i would really enjoy that job also and i wouldnt have to meet a quota or anything. Sadly the way it is looking is that i will take that job for a bit and wait on the other places and then if something better comes up then i will take it. But i just hate the thought of letting down an employer, who is counting on me. It is a really hard decision..and i duno what i should do. It sucks. But i need money and now.
OK onto other things....maybe this is why i feel like i also need money asap...is because i bought that car i was talking about...the Grand AM...i enjoy it but there are somethings that i just need to get out of it first then it will be perfect. But i am quite happy with it. At least it is a vehicel and will get me away from this house and give me some independance.
Well i dunno what else is new...Pray for me as i make this deision withing the next couple of days. Its a hard one but it has to be done.
Anywase, I am out..as my friend would say...."Keep fit and have fun."
A day Of Quiteness
OK...so...a day of silence is a thing that i was introduced to last year at Life Teams where we would be made to spend about 6 hours a month in silence. Ohh man it was soo hard. i always have some sorta nosie on in the background so it was really hard when we first started last year. I think that those days were great tho. A whole day spent in quiteness with Jesus, with no interuptions and no distractions. I love it. So i think that this will be an element that i will being to my everyday life. I would like to probly have it once a month as we did at Life Teams last year.
Well so let me share with you a bit of stuff from the day, like how i spent the time, what i focused on, and what i learnt/got out of it. I started out my day with breakfest and then sat down and read Utmost for His HIghest. I really like this book/devotional...it has a page a day of thoughts/insights. I like this book because although written long ago and used by many it speaks to me. today was about "The Vision and the Reality" It is neat beause i have been on this topic for a while Vision, purpose, and how. So this started the day off with a hit. I knew that it was God speaking to me and wanting to talk to me about this whole thing of why i am here in Ontario right now, cause i dont really understand.
There are times when we do not know what God's purpose is;(Utmost For His Highest by oswald Chambers)...and some times we dont need to know or understand we just have to follow in faith. That is one thing that i guess kindda is a theme for my day. I then wrote for a bit about things that God has spoken to me about a vision for my future. I have alot of little things or parts of the story but i dont really know what it looks like yet. So I then spent some time listening to God about what he wants me to do with those things and he told me some more little things but no details. then he sent me over to Heb 11. (And to anyone who doesnt know what that is..it is a book in the bible and the number is the chapter of that smaller book inside the big book called the bible.) That chapter is all about Faith. All about it. I laughed when i opened to see what it was about. I was in awe. Ok so that is what i learnt. I need to continue to have faith, Because God is gunna have things happen. I had faith in going back to camp this summer even tho i didnt want to and God rewared me for it, I have been faithful in the small things so he is awarding me with Big things, And now i have been sent home although it isnt easy i will remain faithful to God because i know that God is always faithful. My day then went to Jesus and i hanging out together and him telling me to calm my heart and my thoughts that everything will be clear when he wants it to be and i need to be faithful and stay close to him, even in the "valley/hard" times.
God has taught me soo much on faith lately. Its been an ongoing theme since last winter. To trust, to hope and remain faithful throughout everything. I will never forget one thing Jen Werden/hubard said to me in about feb/march, when i was alittle edgie about my friend coming to see me and i didnt know how i felt about him, She told me that God would show me because i was seeking and that God is a Faithful God. He is nothing else. He will be faithful at all times faye. (not exact words but along those lines) Since then i can often times see us sitting in her car and loking over at me and saying to me with a smile on face, "Faye, dont worry God is faithful." It makes me kindda emotional even to think about it. Ya, really God is so faithful. He loves me and he has given me so much grace and all he wants is me to be in love with him. And I am.
God thank you for being faithful especially when i have walked away from you. You have always remained by my side though the rough and though the highlights. God i know no one who is as faithful as what you are. You are devoted to me and to making me more like your son. WOW. Thanks. I will be faithful and go where you want me to go, do what you want me to do and be who you want me to be, because i have faith in you and i trust you.
You are a God who looks out for me at all times even when i dont see it or understand it. You have a plan for me and vision and a purpose for me. All cause you love me and call me your child. Thanks.
So my day was good and well spent time with Jesus. I ened up going for a walk and just looking and marvaling at His works and how i am like one of those beautiful trees. I change and each time i do it is because of something Higher than me changing me and allowing me to be beautiful in each stage. Although i dont always see or show the beauty but God does.
So i encourage you to spend some time in silence without distractions or music and see where God will take you. May you be encouraged though what i learnt and what God said to me today. If you want to check out Life Teams, the program that challenged me to do this, and i am glad it did, then you check them out at
www.lifeteams.ca.
Its time..
Well i still dont have a job and i am still just chillin at my parents house. Although today i went and looked at a ponitac grand am SE and i think i will buy it. But i dunno for sure. It is a debate cause it is alot more then what i wanted to spend but it is also a 99 and with low milage. soo i dunno. I will probably buy it cause at this point i just need a vehical.
I also applied at about 6 places again today. WoW it is so agravating. I had another job interview and i should know by friday. I dunno i want to get something where i am actually liking my job and can go to work positive.
ya, well nothing really else new.
Ohh wait....Cool story from yesterday/today. OK so Emily, Amanda and I went to Bethal Pentocostal church yeasterday and we loved it. What we liked most was the welcoming we recived. As soon as we walked into the doors we had ppl coming to greet us and make us feel like part of the family. It was such an encouragement to me. And i wondered why i didnt get this at the church i regualray attened. I was thinking maybe it might be better for me to be attending Bethal instead of the church i am at now. All because i want to be noticed and loved and said hey missed ya last week i never seen you at church....ETC. Then this lady who i dont really even know...But her name is Ruth and we meant affically two sundays ago where she came up to me and started to talk to me and tell me that she was paraying for me and my colitis. I loved that. BUt to make it better she invited me to have lunch at her house(as i wrote about a few blogs back). But no today i recive a phone call about 930 from her saying hey i missed you yesterday i never seen you. Ohh...man. I cant explain it. I am soo in love with Jesus. He does truly hear and see all and know what i need and when. He knows that for us all.
So thanks Jesus for once again looking out for me.
...Quote of today..
One way or the other,
God, who thought up the family in the first place,has the very best idea of how to bring sense to the chaos of broken relationships we se all around us. I really belives that if I remain still and listen alot, He will share some solutions with me so I can share them with others.-Jill Briscoe, 1935
